Tom - "The Father-in-Law"

Families are made up of so many different personalities.  God made us all different - which is a good thing - and sometimes we favor one relative over another because they are funnier or because they understand us the most.  For whatever reason, we are partial to them and find a closeness - a bond - if you will, that makes that person dear to our heart.

My father-in-law was that person for me.  He passed away several years ago, but his memory lingers on in my heart.  I treasure the paintings he left behind because they are a piece of him.  He saw beauty though he rarely spoke of it.  He felt deep feelings though he didn't show it.  I don't know if anyone else in the family saw it, but I did.

When I think of my father-in-law a couple stories come to mind immediately.

My  husband and I got married when we were very young…very young…naïve, unworldly and… young.  Our first apartment was in the heart of the south side of Chicago as was our second apartment.  I like to think that Tom and Helen really didn’t want their new baby grandson raised in that kind of environment so they helped us buy our first home in Oak Forest, Illinois.  The house had character to say the least.   It was originally a barn and someone turned it into a residence. We made it a home.  I made simple yellow curtains for the kitchen windows, we had second hand furnishings and a barber chair.   Tom and his young son, my husband, spent a day or more reworking the pipes in the little mini basement.  When we bought the house the pipes looked like a game of mousetrap with all the twists and turns and elbow pipes all mushed into one little area near the water heater.  Little did we know that “mousetrap” was soon to be a key word in this little house of ours.  One sunny morning I walked into the kitchen to find a couple mice crawling along the counter, I stopped dead in my tracks, just then a few more appeared on the floor then more on the counter, now I am trying to shoo them away and they start crawling up the yellow curtains, I am shaking the curtains to try and get them off – and shouting “Go away!!”  What do I do – there are mice everywhere…of course I do what any young, naïve, girl would do - I crawl up on the kitchen table and call my father-in-law.  I can just imagine him rolling his eyes at the call – “Help me we are being over run with mice!!” “I’ve got a baby!!”  I cry into the phone.  Calmly he says – “I’ll be right there.”  I’ll just bet he laughed all the way out to Oak Forest.  By the time he arrived most of the mice were gone – probably running for cover from the crazy lady.  He set out mousetraps, which I heard going off all day and each time I heard the 'snap' I felt bad that I called in the “big guns” – the “Father-In-Law”. 

Not only was the “father-in-law” the mouse-hero, but he was also on at least one occasion the bearer of news that needed to be delivered with a tender calm understanding touch.  Same house – same young girl – another sunny morning. The phone rings.  I answer in a cheery voice – “Hello”.  It’s Tom. “Rox, Steve’s been in a car accident.”  “He was turning onto 159^th street and was hit.”  In shock and with a million scenarios running through my mind, I ask, “How bad is the car?”   Not “is Steve okay?”  In my twisted way of thinking if the car wasn’t too bad, then Steve was fine.  Tom obviously understands “my twisted way of thinking” and he replies “Steve is a little banged up but okay. “  My father-in-law says everything is OK, so I'm good.  

I always had the impression that Tom was not raised in a family that did a lot of hugging - he just didn't seem like the huggy type.  My family hugs.  For years I wavered - to hug or not to hug - that is the question!  It took quite a while for me to feel comfortable enough to give hugs to my father-in-law.  Finally, one time after a holiday gathering, I just dove in and did it!  I hugged my father-in-law.  To my delight he accepted the hug and even reciprocated.  After many such hugging experiences, I began whispering in his ear “I love you” as we hugged.  Each time, he would smile his big toothy smile, I would see a very special twinkle in his eye and he’d say, “Aw, Rox.”   I can hear that “Aw, Rox” in my head each time I think of it.  It is a fond remembrance of something special shared between father-in-law and daughter-in-law.  That “Aw, Rox” said so much more than just those two little words.  It said, “I love you, too!”  And I knew he did.

Family is a funny thing!  We don't get to pick our family, but I think God does a really great job of matching people up in families. He places family members in our lives to help us and encourage us, to challenge us and support us.  Our family, is our family.  We git who we git and there's no point in throwing a fit!  as my preschoolers were taught.  I have been blessed with an amazing family - immediate and extended.  They have all influenced my life in many ways but Tom - my Father-In-Law, was special.  We had a different kind of relationship - subtle, sweet and endearing.

"Aw, Tom"  I loved you then. I love you still!


To my family:  "I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers."  Philemon :4