Colossians 4: 5-6 "Make the most of every opportunity. Let the words you speak always be full of grace." Another version of that same verse says, "Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone."
Proverbs 25: 11 "A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver."
I get the idea that teaching us about the use of words was important to God. He gave us His very words in the Bible for that purpose among many others.
The Bible speaks to us about gossip - the most harmful use of words (Proverbs 26:22) and about having a lying tongue (Proverbs 6:17). It also gives us a hint on how to detect someone with poor motives in Proverbs 26:24 & 25 "A malicious man disguises himself with his lips..." and a warning "Though his speech is charming, do not believe him..."
The Bible even gives us a kind of prayer verse to help us when we are struggling with how we use our words. I had this verse posted in my classroom for those times I would get especially frustrated with a child's behavior. You know the times I mean - when you get so frustrated and upset with your child that you just want to lash out and yell because every single night they spill their milk or day after day you have to remind them to flush the toilet. It happens. We get so tired of saying the same thing over and over we are just overcome by the need to shout. In my classroom when I felt that way, usually (I can't lie and say always.) I would see this verse on the wall and stop. Read it. And check my words. Sometimes just taking the moment to read it or say it to myself was enough of a moment to regroup and calm down. Psalm 19:14 "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."
My husband and I do not have arguments very often. But there is a very common thread in them. In fact 9 out of 10 times when we argue it is over communication. The famous line from the 1967 Cool Hand Luke movie comes to mind - "What we have here is a failure to communicate." Not that we use cruel words to each other - we just make too many assumptions. Assumptions are never good. We talked about a topic 20 minutes ago so I assume he will know I am referring to that topic when I bring it up again later. NOT. My friend told me her husband thinks she is a mind reader - she is clearly not, no one is. The communication issue is not limited to husbands and wives, however.
Words exchanged between friends can be misunderstood and can cause a friendship to dissolve. I have heard many a child speak very disrespectfully to their parents. I have heard adults speak to other adults in a condescending manner or make a joke at the expense of someone else which is very hurtful. I have personally experienced someone making a joke with a derogatory remark toward me and knowing that deep down they were serious and trying to hurt me without coming right out and saying what was on their mind. It was simply their true feelings in joke form. I felt the hurt.
I grew up hearing - Say what you mean and mean what you say. Giving someone your word and keeping it is having integrity. It helps people see that you can be trusted to do what you say you will do, whether in a job or at home. There is nothing sadder to see than a child who has had yet another promise broken by his or her parents.
What we need to remember is that once words are said - they are out there - there is no taking them back. Even if you try to retract them or say - 'just kidding' - they are out there! They have done the damage or that promise has been made. With words spoken there are no do-overs, there are no tag backs.
All this to remind ourselves (me included) - to think before we speak. (Proverbs 29:20) Make sure you are speaking apples of gold and placing them in settings of silver for whomever you are communicating with.
Watch for Words - part 2 in the days to come for how words can be used positively and some helpful hints on how God would have us check ourselves when using our words.
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